I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
