Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize