if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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