Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
