i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
