I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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