so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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