Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is the high leading the old right now
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize