Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You can't just leave with hair like that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
