My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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