no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
