No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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