Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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