I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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