So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize