i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
