You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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