You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
