There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
