i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
