i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
