dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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