can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
