No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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