i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
