are you so shy because you have an std?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
