What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
