Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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