i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
