I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
