Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
