So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
