I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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