You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is the high leading the old right now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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