Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
