I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
