Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
