I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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