Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
