Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
