maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
