this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
