shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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