i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
