the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize