So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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