grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
