Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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