I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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