According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
