Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize