you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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