Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
