Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
