What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
