fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
