he thought i was a dude.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
