So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
