every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
