Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
