hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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