bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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