I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
