Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
