If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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