I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Are my feet made of real feet?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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