so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
