It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
