Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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