I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
