Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize